Sunday Mutterings - November 15, 2009

I caught up on my blog reading!!! Of course it wasn’t until almost 3:00, which meant that I was trying to read while keeping an eye on the TV. Football Sunday, you know. Even though my team has a bye (?) week this week, I still love the game and enjoy watching anyone.

I started off watching the Bengals/Steelers, but was switching back and forth between them and the Saints/Rams game. It was early in the second quarter…or late in the first…that I decided the Saints/Rams game is/was much more exciting. While heading to the computer to catch the thoughts swirling around in my head, I was caught immobile for a bit watching the conclusion of the game. I truly didn’t care who won or lost (in fact I lean more towards a Saints fan than a Rams fan simply because they’re so close to me) but I found myself rooting for the underdogs, the Rams. And it was sooooo close!! So Close! What a great game!

Enough about football though. Instead I want to try to write some thoughts about the many blogs I read today. There’s a big problem trying to do that though. When I’m ‘writing’ blogs in my head, I have no reason to give a background on my thoughts to explain how I arrived at them. After all, the whole football game thing was one, two lines max in my “Mind Blog.” But when I got here, when I started writing for a possible audience, I had to give background to explain how I got from point A to point B. And unfortunately I have seen many, many blogs take on a life of their own that way. Until the end result of what I wrote was nothing at all like what I sat down planning to say. Many times that’s okay…I just figure the subconscious takes over and writes what it needs to. But today I think it might truly be a disservice not to capture what I’m thinking and why. Simply because I want to say it, I want to put it out there, whether anyone ever reads it or not, I want/need to say it. Nods, so please bear with me as I attempt to write without giving too much background.

I follow a lot of blogs. Lots. And some I really identify with, some I simply enjoy reading, some I skim over and read occasionally, some (honestly) I skip completely. I don’t delete the ones I don’t read from my blog roll as I have watched my followers dwindle before and I would hate to be the cause of someone feeling rejected. Shrugs, whether they care or not, I do: therefore I keep them…except in extreme cases.

An extreme case has only happened one time here in Bloggerland. And it was a while ago, yet when I see a comment that person has left it still leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. And the bad taste doesn’t much have to do with the fact that the comments are almost always in a “I know better than you do and so I can talk down to you, lecture you, criticize you, and you need to thank me for it and tell me what an awesome person I am for taking the time to tell you how wrong you are.” (Can you tell I don’t have any respect, etc. for this person? Lol)

No, the bad taste comes more from the reason I deleted the blog. You see, there was a “tiff” between two blogs I follow. (And just for the record, I by no means make light of what happened, I’m just trying to explain without truly having to explain. Those of you who read the same people I do will probably know who I’m talking about: Those of you who don’t can probably identify this with other bloggers on your list.) The tiff culminated in behavior from one party that shocked the fuck out of me. I was astonished, appalled, disgusted…..I could go on and on. Needless to say I took the side of the blogger I identify most with and deleted the person who exhibited the bad behavior. And I have never regretted it.

(Today I came across a comment from this previously deleted blogger that showed me they still do exactly what they did to get them deleted. I was infuriated and even though the blog had been written 4 days ago, I was quick to offer my support to the blogger who received the comment, mentioning how great I thought she did in refusing to attack back, instead returning a very calm comment.)

I read a blog today that touched me more than any other blog has in a long time. It was so very well written, so thoroughly thought out it was easy to put myself in the writer’s head and see exactly what they were feeling. Blogs from this page never fail to get read…never. I adore the insights into the life they live – both the kinky side and the day-to-day vanilla side. And the blogs are about even on what they cover: kink or life.

(Bloggers that write this way are my absolute favorite. Blogger to me isn’t my personal Playboy or Penthouse magazine. Don’t get me wrong, I adore the kinky, sexual blogs and pictures, but I also adore the talk about your job, your kids, your family, your etc. etc. etc.)

Anyway, I simply felt the need to do an anonymous shout out (Omg, that’s from Cash Cab isn’t it? lol). I didn’t comment to the blog, as it was days and days old, and there were multiple comments that said exactly what I wanted to say. Just “Thank You” for taking the time to put so much of your life into words. It’s nice to know there are people like you out there in the world, especially out there in the kink world.

It’s weird how real everyone is to me. Okay, that sooo doesn’t make sense!! I mean, you are all real people of course, but you’re all my friends too. Even though I will never meet you, will probably never exchange a personal email with you, will never know more than what you choose to tell me through your blogs. I look forward to hearing from you. I laugh with you and cry with you. I see you through your ups and downs and miss you when you’re silent for a while. And miss you a lot when you make a decision to delete your page, or just to take a time out forever or for a while.

When I first started blogging, I got very close to one blogger. Some of you may remember her: Her original page was Blood, Sweat and Tears, her name was Rose. Her kink evolved and she became Ariel with a different page name (I can’t remember it, sorry.) Anyway, when I first arrived on the scene, I identified so much with her blogs…I felt I could easily have written most of them. She was a huge, huge help to me. I was new to the lifestyle and was still caught in how “wrong” the feelings were, trying to find my way to being a good obedient slave to my Master JB.

Her kink evolved yet again and she shut down her page and has entered another phase in her life. I still think about her a lot and keep in touch via occasional emails. My point to this is that you never quite know how or why or when you are touching someone. A random thought in your blog may actually be the basis to a monumental event in a reader’s life, or a whole new way to think, or a realization that the beliefs (prejudices) they hold are wrong and hurtful. We all write because we want to, because we need the outlet, not always considering how our words may affect those who read them.

So, let me take the time today not only to do the special shout out, but to continue in a widespread shout out. Thank you to you all for being a part of my life. Thank you for not judging me too harshly, for allowing me the glimpse into your life and your thoughts. Thank you for the thought provoking blogs you write, the invaluable comments you leave me. You all have made my journey into this lifestyle so much better. I know I’m not alone because I know you’re all here. Thank you.

butterfly